Not Another LOTR Story
by Jilene Marr
Summary: Two girls meet up and go on an adventure with the hobbit's and Gandalf to visit the rest of the fellowship! If you like a different humor it's your type of story.
1. New Places

(Hello readers if any I would like to tell you that I, the author, an not very serious. I am going to try to make this story funny because that is just who I am. At this moment. The first chapter really isn't that funny because I need to introduce the story. So.... be patient. Plus, my real creative mind might be moving at my Pirates of the Caribbean story. Please, people, review. But if you are one of those crazy people who are all like, 'omg! you can't do that! you did this wrong. I am a bigger fan then you, blah blah.' Then please refrain because people like you scare me. So...um.... enjoy. Review. Look at my other story that I think is better then this.)

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff. Except for my characters that arn't that important. I don't really own anything.

**CHAPTER ONE!**

A girl woke up from laying on the ground and looked to see her friend laying next to her. Her friend had straight blone hair and baby blue eyes. She was very petite and her face was fair and flawless. Her name was Rosemerie and had been her best friend since she was in elementary school. At this moment though, she was very confused. She had awoken to laying in a patch of green grass and couldn't quite remember how she had gotten to this place. She didn't even know where she was.

The girl leaned up and looked around her. There was a small dirt road in front of her as well as a small clean river and the large medow they were laying in. Her hair was a dark brown color with a little red tint to it. It was curly and untaimable to her. It was up in a high pony tail, showing her dark brown eyes and her straight nose. She stood up to get a better look around and in hope that someone would come walking down the path. Her hands were on the wide hips as she walked to the road in hope that she would find a clue to where she was.

Even though she was wondering to where she was, she wan't in any hurry to get out. It was warm out, the sun shinning on her face, and the beams radiating off of everything, bringing bright color to the land. She smiled as she moved her way over to her friend Rose. She decided that she might as well wake her up since it was such a nice day and all. Plus, she thought that she might know what was going on. So she tapped her friend with her foot.

Rose looked up at her with her hand over her eyes, trying to keep the sun out. She looked at her companion who looked down at her and she looked around. "Where are we?" She asked.

"You know... I would like to know that too," her friend crouched down next to her. "Do you have any idea?"

"Kate... do you know where we are?" Her face was confused.

"Nope."

"Oh my god! We're lost! Never to be found again!" She got up on her feet and looked around. "I don't even know where the heck we are. Where are we?!"

"Hey don't be such a drama queen," Kate said to her. She stopped crouching and stood up next to her tall friend (compared to her). "Everything will be ok! Don't worry! We will just ask someone for directions."

Rose moved into panick mode, "How did we get here!?"

"Oh shut up!" Kate said to her friend. She knew it wasn't very nice and all but she just couldn't deal with her friend freaking out like that.

At once Rose stopped her panicking as the sound of horsehoofs approached. They both walked over to the end of the road to see who was passing by. Kate thought that it would be a good idea for them to know where they were and all that jazz.

Their eyes peered down the road, waiting to see the horse and the rider. In no time a man came into view with a carrage and a brown horse. Rose started to jumping up and down, "Yay! We're saved!" The man got closer and closer.

The cart was only but a few feet when Kate started talking to the man in the carrage, "Oh hello there. Do you think that you could spare-" The man passed them and kept on riding. "Hey! I was talking to you!"

"Come back!" Yelled Rose.

Kate started running after the horseman and her friend ran in her wake. She approached the cart, getting closer and closer until she was running next to the man. She was weezing, "hey.... stop.... right.....now....."

The old man looked at her, "no!" He cracked the reins and the horses moved faster. The girl felt that it wasn't the end of that so she just ran faster to catch up to him.

"Stop!"

"No!" He cracked them again.

"STOP!"

"No!"

At this point she just jumped into the back of the cart. She looked behind her to see that her friend was far behind her. That was to her surprise since Rose was on the chubby side (she never wanted to say fat even though she knew it was true). She then thought that she wanted to be like an action star and she jumped into the seat next to the old man.

He looked at her with a startled face. "What are you doing!?" He then pulled on the reins and made the horses go to a compleate stop.

"WELL! It's about time that you stopped. You are a rude old man!" Kate said to him. She was the type of girl who always spoke her mind.

"A wizard dosn't have to stop for anyone!" Said the man. He was wearing a large pointed grey hat with a raggy looking cloak. She wondered how he could wear all of this on such a nice day. But she also didn't want him to take it off because she wanted to see less of the old man's body.

"You have to stop for me!" She said to him.

"No I don't. I am powerfull and everyone loves me so I can do what ever I want!" He said to her. His grey beard covering half of his face.

"Who do you think you are?"

"I don't have to think of who I am... I know who I am."

"Stop trying to be all whimsicle!" She spat at him, "can you just tell me where we are."

"We are in the shire," he informed her. A hand went on Kate's leg. Rose had caught up and was weezing.

"Yeah right! If we are in the Shire then I am Gandalf," said Kate. Rose did this werid laugh/weeze thing.

"No... I am Gandalf!" He looked at her. The girls looked at him like he was crazy. "The Grey!" He finished. Trying to be a very dramatic. The two girls started to laugh. Rose hopped into the back of the cart while she thought that her liver, or whatever it is, felt like it was going to pop out.

"Yeah yeah yeah. Prove it!"

He took off his hat and looked at the two girls. His large eyebrows lifted. Kate took a good look at him. "Oh my god! Your Ian McKellen!"

"Who?" He asked.

"Ian McKellen!" Kate said to him again as if he would understand it better. "You were in X-Men! Not one of your best preformances-"

Rose inturruped, "Sir Ian McKellen," she rose her finger in a matter of fact way.

"Yes! Oh....oh... can I have your autograph? Please!?" asked Kate.

"Me too! Me too!" Said Rose.

A confused Gandalf looked at them like they each a three heads (so six heads I guess). "I will take you to the Shire," he informed them.

"YAY!" Hollard the girls together.

"Oh... do we get to meet some really hot hobbits?" Started Rose.

Kate added, "with sexy hairy hobbit feet?"

"Ahhh.... sure.... " said Gandalf as the continued rode in the back of the cart.

"I can't believe it! We are going to meet hairy, sexy, hobbits! We must be dreaming!" Said one of them.


	2. Welcome to Hobbiton

(Hello to anyone who might have wanted to read this new chapter! I would like to tell you now from the start that I am very sorry if I have upset you in away way about killing the chracters for my intertainment and yours if you are reading this . I would also like to thank you from this point for reading this and I would love it if you reviewed my story!)

Disclaimer:  I don't own anything to do with Lord of the Rings books or movies. I could never be that good of a writer to come up with that in the first place and that I could not make a movie with that many people!

The two girls sat in the cart together. They spent most of their time talking to each other and to Gandalf. Kate thought it was her duty to inform him of who he really was. Rose one the other hand thought that the man was mad, but she enjoyed listining to what he had to say. Gandalf thought that the girls were very odd and he just couldn't figure out why they were odd.

After about two hours of riding in the cart Gandalf spoke to them, "we are here."

"Where?" Asked Rose. Her long blonde hair blowing on her face.

"In Hobbiton. Like I told you I would take you," he informed her once again.

"Oh... yes," she gave her friend a wink, "so we can look at the sexy hairy hobbits."

Gandalf put his hand in his face and rolled his eyes. He was getting very annoyed with their remarks to the hobbits. In his opnion he thought that wizards were sexier. The horses slowed down as they entered the small town. The girls at this point were leaning off the edge of the cart, in hope that they would spot a hobbit. Their eyes scanned the rolling hills and corn fields, but were saddened when they saw not one hobbit.

"Sir Ian McKellen? I don't see any hobbits," Kate told him. Gandalf didn't respond. "I said.... I don't see any hobbits." He didn't move a muscle. She got closer to his ear and whispered, "I don't see any hobbits."

"Oh! You were talking to me?" He questioned.

"Um.... yeah."

"But my name is Gandalf. Not Sir-"

"HOBBITS!" Yelled Rose.

"Where!" Kate asked as she moved quickly to the edge of the cart. Her friend was pointing at a round hobbit who had dirty brown hair. He looked at them and waved.

"Oh My God!" They cried together. Gandalf smiled at their excitement, _told those little brats so, _thought the old wizard.

The girls were moving all around in a flurry of happyness. As soon as the cart made it into the main town the girls were hollaring things to them like, "Hey sexy!" and "You're hairy!"

"Gandalf! Where are we heading to?" asked Kate.

He looked at her, "we are going to Bag End."

"I can't believe it!" She yelled as she grabbed her friends arms, "it's like we are in the Lord of the Rings movie!"

"Well, it would be a Lord of the Rings story really," said Rose.

"Well, it's not _just_ another Lord of the Rings story."

The cart moved down the cobblestoned roads and dirt paths up to Bag End. As soon as they reached the home that they had viewed watching the Lord of the Rings movie (that they have seen about 100 times and know every flower, every shrub, in that picture). When Gandalf made the horse stop the girls flew out of the back and followed Gandalf's start to the door. He was walking very slow, taking his time, fixing his hat. A turtle could have moved quicker then him.

"Move!" Said Kate as she gave Gandalf a little push. He took one step and went to fix his hat once again. "Come on!" She said again as she gave him another push. This time Gandalf tripped over his cloak and started a slow motion like fall into a bush. They heard the moan of a puzzled Gandalf and the cracking of the shrubs branches. The door to the house sprung open at the sound and a little hobbit came running out.

To the girl's surprise it was Frodo Baggins (to them Elijah Wood) with an upset Bilbo behind them (Bilbo to them because they didn't care who the actor who played him was). Bilbo looked like his eyes were going to pop out of his head when he saw Gandalf in his shrub. "What are you doing?! That is my favorite bush!" He cried, his hands on his head as he ran over to the wizard.

Bilbo grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him off of his shrub. He then fell to his knees at the bush and started weeping. Frodo looked at Bilbo and then to Gandalf. "Gandalf! Your're here!" Cried Frodo, stating the obvious.

"Yes my dear boy!" Frodo leaped into Gandalfs arms in a large hug. He then smiled to see behind him the two girls who's mouth was open.

"And who are these young ladies?" asked Frodo in a friendly way.

"_I.... _I am Kate," she said as she walked out to him with an outstreached hand, "pleased to meet you!" He shook her hand. Rose then approached him as well.

"I am Rose," she then gave him a kiss instead of a hand shake. She had always been an Elijah Wood fan over any other (even though Billy was very close).

"Well, I don't want to be rude. Come inside... we can have some wine," Frodo told him as he looked at Bilbo and rolled his eyes, "Bilbo... everything will be ok. I will.... have Sam fix it tomarrow." Bilbo rose with a tear in his eye.

"You promise?"

"Yes..." He lead the way into the hobbit hole with everyone in his wake. They all sat down at a small table. "Would you all like some wine?"

"YES!!!" The girls shouted. They didn't mind to have some wine while they were there... they really just wanted to be with Elijah anyway.

"No thank you. Tea would be fine," said Gandalf.

"Come on... you can have some wine," Frodo told him.

"No tea would be great."

"Just have a little wine," Frodo said as be picked up a bottle.

"No. I really just want to have some-"

"Just have some!"

"NO! TEA!"

"JUST HAVE SOME WINE!"

"NO!" Gandalf yelled, looking all scary as he stood up from the table. All of a sudden the room became dark and cold and Gandalf started to look a whole lot bigger (like in the first movie when Bilbo pissed him off). "I SAID I JUST WANTED TEA!"

Everyone looked up at Gandalf (since he was so big). Frodo looked at him. "Oh ok.... I will just make some tea then."

Gandalf smiled and the room went back to normal. Bilbo still looked very angry at his friend for crushing his bush. As soon as Frodo put some tea on he sat down at the table. Rose then got up from her seat and sat on Frodo's lap. He looked at her in a puzzled way and she smiled at him.

"So... why have you come here?" questioned Frodo.

Gandalf spoke, "We have many things to talk about. One would be the new Adventure I have planned out."


	3. Hello Hobbits!

_(Thank you all for coming and reading this. If there are anyone who comes and reads this. Anyway, I would like to just tell you that I hope to make this story alot funnier. I always like to promiset his but I don't know. Because my form of funy is different then other peoples and that I have used lot's of my funny ideas on my other story. TTFN)_

_PinkAphid: Thank you for reviewing. Not many people do and I really do apprechate it. I will be reading your story because I am one of those people who are like, 'if you read my story I will read yours.' So, I hope you continue. _

Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff! I wish I did! How many times to I have to say this!?

* * *

"I have come here to tell you about the new adventure I must go on. I am an old man and I need someone to help me along the way. Even though I am a very pimpin wizard I do need help," Gandalf threw the pimpin in their just to show the girls that he really was rather sexy.

"What is it Gandalf," asked Frodo.

"Yes....what is it?" said Rose as she started twisting her finger around one of Frodo's curls.

"I umm..." Gandalf was a little distracted by the girls attempts at Frodo. "Yes, well, you see, I have gotten a letter from Elrond, telling me that they had something of great importance to show us and that thew would need some people who were responsible. He wrote that he would like to also invite everyone from the last quest to a party."

"Oh, I like parties," Frodo said.

"He also wrote that he couldn't explain what the adventure really was because it was something, that if fallen into the hands of the enemies, great destruction would come."

"Surreee...."said Kate. "Well, if you want Rose and I to come along with you we will. We are responsible young ladies."

"No, I would find it best if you stayed here."

"Rivendell plus Eleves equal total hottness," we are going if you like it or not.

"Fine!" Said Gandalf, getting kind of pissy at the girls. "So... we are going to need to tell Merry, and Pippin, oh and Sam."

Frodo smiled at the mention of Sam's name, "oh... I will go tell Sam."

"Ok..." said Gandalf in a very interested way.

The two girls looked at each other and then Kate spoke, "Rose and I will get Merry and Pippin."

"Ok..." said Gandalf, not really caring at all.

So everyone go up to leave, it took a lot to get Rose off of Frodo's lap but they all got up and left. Kate and Rose walked out of the small door and went to the dirty path. They had known where the two hobbits had lived since they know just about everything that has to do with Lord of the Rings. Frodo walked the other way to not only get away from Rose but to go to Sam;s house. The day was very nice and the girls still felt as though they were dreaming. It was just to perfect, they didn't even care about going back home.

As soon as the girls got to Merry's house they knocked on the circle door of the hobbit hole. "Wait a minute!" yellled the voice from inside. He opened the door and was very surpised to see the girls looking at him. Rose flew on him and started to give hima hug that was more like choking him. "Can I help you?!"

"I can't believe I am hugging Dominic!" tears were in her eyes.

"Who?"

"Oh... that's right. Everyone here likes to play dumb," she let go of him. "Gandalf has sent us here to get you and Pippin."

"Is that so?" asked Merry, a little nervious about leaving with these strange girls. They nodded in agreement, "Oh....ok" He walked back into the little hobbit hole and started yelling for Pippin. The girls were surprised that Pippin was there. But it made sence, since they were such good friends (sometimes to good of friends).

Pippin came to the door, "hello!"

Rose took no time in flying in his arms as well. Pippin, unlike the others seemed to like the greeting. He smiled, "oh I could get used to this." They started their walked back to Bag End. Rose was holding Pippins hand, and Merry kept giving her dirty looks, she didn't seem to care though. Kate started to make small talk with them, wanting this moment to be less awkward. After a while they had made their way back into the small hobbit hobbit hole to see Bilbo outside, sitting on his tart, holding what was left of his bush.

"Bilbo, are you ok?" asked Pippin.

"Do I look like I am ok?!"

They just gave him a blank stair.

"Sam is going to be so upset. Plus, I love this bush-" he kept talking as everyone passed him and entered the house. They sat down at the table. Gandalf started to make small talk with the hobbits, trying to make it seem like he was so much cooler then them. Rose got up and looked out the window when she thought that she had herd foot steps. She looked out to see Frodo and Sam walking side by side. She ran to the door and opened it. Her mouth opened when she notice that Sam and Frodo were walking very close to each other, holding hands. They looked up to see her gazing at them and they let go.

"Wha....what?" she asked stunned.

"His hand was cold...." said Sam, "I didn't want Frodo to be cold."

"Mr. Frodo," corrected.

"Yes... I didn't want Mr. Frodo's hand to be cold."

"Ok.... whatever...." She opened the door and let them in._ I'm on to you_, she thought.

They entered and when they did Merry and Pippin got up and they all started to do this large group hug. Rose joined them and when she did Frodo looked her, "boys only." He gave her a little push to get away and when he did she fell back onto her tart (tart...hehehe).

After the boys only group hug Gandalf told them all about how they had to go to Rivendell. They all seemed very happy about going, all ready to see the elves and their old friends once again. Everyone would be ready the next day, each with a horse (or pony), their packs, and they would meet at Bag End. They had all agreed to it and the talked some more. After a certain hour they decidied to leave, so that hey could be ready to hit the road the next day.

Kate and Rose were going to stay at bag end along with Gandalf. Gandalf wasn't to happy about taking them along, he thought that Elrond would know what was up with these girls... and how he could get rid of them.


	4. The start of the Adventure!

**CHAPTER 4!**

**Thanks To:**

_Laura: I really think that you might be the only one reading this. I did write another chapter for you so... happy reading._

_Molly: I don't think you read this. You said that you did and that it was funny. I know that you arn't a real LOTR fan. So I understand. I guess. _

_(The rest of you who might read this and don't review make me very sad.)_

* * *

"This is so great!" Yelled Rose as she sat on a small horse.

"I know!" Agreed Kate.

The throng had been riding on their horses on the start of thier new adventure. Each of the members had a their own horse. Or in the hobbit's cases they were on ponies. Each of them seemed very happy to be traveling, except Gandalf who kept making rude remarks about the girls in some way or another. It didn't bother them that much though because they didn't really like Gandalf either. I mean, they had never watched the Lord of the Rings movies to see the old fart.

They rode down a small dirt road. Gandalf was leading the way. He kept telling them that he would show them how to get there, even though everyone told him over and over that they knew how to get there themselves. Kate thought that this was the only thing he might be good at. Sam and Frodo rode side by side behind Gandalf, each giving each other very happy smiles when they thought no one was watching. Merry and Kate rode next behind the others because Rose wouldn't leave Pippin's side. This event had started a fight.

"I am going to ride next to Pip!" Yelled Merry.

"No! I am!" Said Rose as she grabbed one of Pippin's arms as Merry grabbed the other one.

"But he is my cousin!"

"He is my love!"

"He is my lover!" Yelled Merry.

A very surprised Rose spoke as the rest of the group had staired. "I mean...no....of course not. He isn't my lover!" Everyone looked at Pippin.

"Well, I'm not," he said in his very cute little accent that should be English but isn't. After this Merry told her that she had won....for now. So he rode next to Kate in the rear. The group had riddin since the break of dawn and were moving their way down the road at a steady pace. Until they had herd the sound of hoves. They stopped their horses to get a better sound of it. The hoves kept moving. Everyone looked at each other in one of those cinimatic moments that would be shown on about one hundred comericals.

"Get off the road!" Yelled Frodo.

"Wot," asked Pippin who wasn't paying attention.

"Get off the road!" Frodo yelled again.

"Huh?" Asked Merry who just decided to listin to what Frodo was saying.

"Get off the road!" He repeated.

"What did you just say?" Asked Gandalf who was very hard of hearing.

"GET OFF THE ROAD!?"

"What???" All of them asked together, this time hoping to understand it.

"Frodo told you to get off of the road!" Sam yelled.

"_Mr. _Frodo," Frodo said correcting Sam, his friend.......or maybe something more then just a friend (Dum dum dum....)

It had took so long for them to understand what was going that they could see the Dark Rider coming from a far distance. In a frenzy they got off of their horses and leaded them down a steap slope and hid behind a large shrub. Everyone was out of site. The hoofsteps got closer, and closer, and CLOSER! Until they stopped in front of where they were all positioned.

"Those are Dark Riders," Merry said, informing the girls of what they were. The girls were a little ticked at the fact of Merry thinking that they didn't know anything about Middle Earth. Geez. They probably knew more about it then he did. In fact... they did know more then he did.

Kate wanted to be a smart ass and spoke, "those, my friend, are dementors."

"Wot?" Asked Merry.

"Dementors," she had said again.

"No... you see, those are _Dark Riders_," he told her.

"Dementors!" She said again.

"What are dementors then? Miss know-it-all?"

"Dementors are the creaters in Harry Potter! They look just like that," she pointed at the Dark Rider, "but they don't have feet. They fly!"

"Well, that's stupid! They must have copied that from _this _movie," Merry said.

The group started nodding in agreement at this. Each person was listing to what they had to say. The Dementor- I mean Dark Rider started to sniff the air like it had something suck in its nose until it rode away. "Few," said Frodo, "that was close!"

They had decided that because it was now very late in the day that they would set up camp and go to bed for the night. And they did so after the hobbits had their small feast. Rose had moved her way over to where Merry and Pippin were sleeping and she nudged her way next to Pippin with a large smile. Kate, feeling lonely had moved near Sam and Frodo. Sam started to yell at her, "Frodo dosen't want to be near you!" Frodo was sleeping next to him and the disappointed Kate went and layed next to her friend Rose in defeat.

As soon as daylight came over the side of the mountains Kate woke up everyone sleeping except for Gandalf. The fire was still blazing and Gandalf spooke to her, "oh I see that someone is up." His back was faced to her.

"How can you see me?" She asked.

Gandalf rolled his eyes, "for god's sake child! I am a wizard!"

"Yeah.... fine....whatever," she walked over to the fire. Even though it was summer out the air was still cold in the morning.

"Why don't you wake them up. Maybe Sam. He won't mind. I am shure he is ready to start breakfest for Frodo."

"For Frodo-?"

"I mean..... um.... for everyone," Gandalf said as though he had let to much slip.

She did as she was told and started to make her way to where she saw Sam and Frodo sleeping. As soon as she was arm lenght away she noticed that Sam had his arm wrapped around Frodo._ He must have been keeping him warm_, she thought to herself, _how sweet. _Then she started to panick, _or was he?! _

Kate gave Sam a nice poke and he woke up, looking around to see who had poked her. "What do _you_ want?"

"I was told by Gandalf that you might like to start Breakfest."

A grumble came from Sam as he got up and walked over to where they had put the food. After about a half an hour of cooking everyone woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon. Merry and Pippin were the first to run over there, each with a plate in their hand. Frodo was slowly getting up and walking over to their direction.

Merry and Pippin were practally shoving their plates in Sam's face. "No! Mr. Frodo must eat first!" Sam told them.

"Why?" Asked Pippin.

"Because he is the ringbearer and he needs to eat first for his strengh," Sam informed them in a snobby way.

Everyone glared at Sam and didn't say anything until a very hungrey Pippin spoke up, "but he hasn't got the ring anymore!"

"Oh...right." Sam looked a little embarressed, "Well...."

Frodo now had a plate in his hand and stood next to Sam, looking down at him in a very loving way (scary huh?)

"Well, since he is here he can eat first," Sam ripped the plate out of Frodo's hand and piled a lot of food on it. Most of it going on his plate. No one said anything, even though they were thining very poorly of their friend at the moment.

After everyone ate they had started once again on their journey. Each one had gotten on their horses or ponies and were in the same order they had came in. When around two hours had past Merry spoke up, "well, look at the time! It's time for second breaky!"

"But we need to keep on going!" Said Gandalf.

The hobbits paid no attention to him and pulled to the side of the road to eat. A vain was throbbing on Gandalf's forehead. As they said they would, they ate their second meal of the day. "Ahhh... that was rather good," Pippin informed them. Each member getting back on their horses. They rode their happy animals and when two hours had passed Merry spoke again.

"Well, look at the time... _again. _It's time for luncheon."

"What!? You just ate," Gandalf spat at him.

"Yes, that was second breaky. It's time for luncheon," said Pippin in Merry's defence.

The hobbits took no attention in Gandalf and all moved to the side of the dirt road and started to have luncheon. Gandalf sat on a log the whole time, refusing anything they offered to him and pouting like a baby. The girl's didn't eat anything either, they just couldn't understand how someone could eat so much. After a while they had all started once again on their journey.

Everyone was excited and full of energy. Gandalf was sill having a hissy fit but it was really topped of when two hours had passed and Merry spoke once again. "Well, look at the time... _again... again._ Time for afternoon tea!"

"What!" Yelled Gandalf. This time he was really really mad.

"Afternoon tea!" Pippin said.

"I heard you! You idiot! No more stopping!"

Each of the hobbits had gotten off of their horses except for the two girls who were very scared of Gandalf. They knew that they had been busting Gandalf's chopps the whole time but they thought that this would top him off. Out of now where Gandalf threw and apple at them. He was trying to be all cool like Stider in the first movie. Pippin caught it, "what is this for?"

"Eat that!" Gandalf spat.

"But we are about to have tea! I don't want to ruin my appitite."

Well, in the end Gandalf really freaked out and forced them all back on their ponies and told them if they were naughty again that he would have to spank them. Kate thought that the spanking part was scary and feared that Gandalf would like it to much. Anyway, the continued their journey with another day expected untill they got to Riven Dell.

(For those of you who like this story and like Harry Potter. Feel free to look at my friend Molly's story titled- Coke, Jeans, and annoying Snape. Read it if you want a good laugh!)


	5. Are we there yet duck?

(Hello to my very few readers! Thank you for reviewing! It means sooooo much to me! If you want you can review a second time hopefull face Anyway, I bring to you my next chapter! Hope you all enjoy!)

**Thanks To: **

_Laura: A non-member but a really good friend. Thankies for reading this. I do this all for you Laura. I know that you are like the biggest LOTR fan. I am glad I have someone to tell you when I am being funny or just really stupid. _

_PinkAphid: I don't know if you are still reading this. If you are I am really glad that someone I don't really know likes it._

_AliciaF: I am glad that you like it. I do my best to keep my stories funny. Each of them I try to make different and it being a LOTRstory, I try to set myself apart from other fanfic writers._

_Aareyel: I didn't know that you are part of FanFic now! Yeah! I hope you liked them! You should write a story! You don't have to though. I am hopeing to get my POTC chapter up soon. _

* * *

An hour had passed of their journey until someone had to say something.

"Are we there yet?" asked Kate. She was so board that she felt like she was going to fall off of the horse she was on. She really wanted to ride like the wind but they insisted that they keep a slow and steady pace.

Gandalf looked at Kate, "No."

Kate was looking at Merry and her eyes went to her best friend. Rose was having a great conversation with Pippin, she for one was happy. It was very obvious that they were flirting and Merry watched them like a hawlk. Everytime Kate went to talk to Merry he would not respond of give short answers so she found it best to say nothing and just ride. Another hour passed.

"Are we there yet?" asked Kate again. At this point was basically laying on the top of the horse.

"No," responded Gandalf. He was being way to cheeky. As soon as another hour passed Kate spoke.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," Gandalf didn't seem to care but Kate was getting really really board. Board beyond belief. And her butt hurt too. A half an hour passed.

"Are we there yet?"

"No..." Gandalf rose an eyebrow. Fifteen minutes passed.

"Are we there yet?"

"No." Five minutes passed.

"Are we there yet?" Kate asked.

"No!" Gandalf spoke, he gave his horse a little nudge and the ponies followed with a slow trot. Four minutes passed.

"Now are we there yet?"

"No!" Two minutes passed.

"Are we there yet?" Kate was so board that she was counting her fingers over and over again.

"NO!" Gandalf was getting angry again. The hobbits were worried about being spanked.

"Now are we there yet!" Kate said again after one minute passed.

"NOOO!" At this point Gandalf looked like he was out for blood.

"Are we there yet!" Kate asked.

"NNNNNNNOOOOO!" Gandalf gave his horse a nudge and the next thing he knew he was flying down the trail. All of the ponies following him. The hobbits seemed really scared because they wern't used to the ponies going that fast.

"Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo are you ok!" Sam yelled across to Frodo who was holding on to the pony with dear life.

"Sam! I'm scared!" Frodo yelled to his "friend."

"Gandalf stop!" Sam yelled to Gandalf. But Gandalf was being over dramatic like all wizards (take Harry Potter in the 5th book, geez.)

Merry and Pippin were smiling and having a kick out of it along with Kate and Rose. Pippin was happy that he wasn't the one that started the horses up. Merry looked up and yelled, "Duck!"

They looked to see a duck flying in the air. Frodo looked at the duck and pointed in amazement like he had never seen a duck in his life. At that moment a branch hit Frodo in the head, making him fall off of his pony and onto the ground. Everyone stopped there ponies, with the exception of Gandalf. Everyone got off to see if he was ok. Sam was the first one there. He was holding Frodo in his arms.

"Mr. Frodo... everything is going to be ok," Sam said, tears filling in his eyes.

Kate walked over to Frodo, "here. Let me help. I got an A in first aid." She streached out a hand at Frodo. Sam slapped her hand away.

"Get away!" Sam yelled as he started to hover over Frodo.

"Sam... just let me help," Kate said moving closer.

Sam was mumbling something underneath his breath.

"What was that Sam?" Asked Merry.

Sam mumbled again.

"Sam? What is it?" Asked Pippin.

Sam mumbled once again.

Merry spoke, "for god's sake Sam! Get that bacon out of your mouth!"

Sam looked at him as he took the bacon out. Pippin looked at Sam, "so what were you saying?"

"My own... my precious..." Sam was getting really creepy and eveyone stepped away. Pippin looking really worried.

"Is he going to die?" Pippin asked.

Kate leaned to look at Frodo, "for god's sake! It's only a scratch. You can get up Frodo."

Frodo's eyes opened and he leaned up, "what do you mean only as scratch?"

"Don't move Frodo," Sam said, "You might have broken something." Frodo lifted an eyebrow at Sam. Sam corrected himself, "Mr. Frodo." After a small debate of 'is Frodo ok?' Everyone got back onto their ponies. Frodo climbed on the back of Sam's pony because Sam insisted that they wern't going to go anywhere untill he knew that Mr. Frodo was in fine condition. So they all started to ride again. After an hour they saw Gandalf, riding in their direction.

"Oh hello!" He said to them as he moved his horse in the front of the group again, leading the way. After around a half an hour Pippin spoke.

"Merry... do you have any of our special weed?"

"Umm... Pip... I do. Do you want some?"

"Want some? I need some?" Pippin told Merry. Kate and Rose looked at the two of them. Merry handed Pippin a little bag and what appeared to be his pipe.

"Um... I have to go to the bathroom," said Pippin as he jumped off of his pony and ran into the woods. Everyone sat there for about fifteen minutes waiting for Pippin to come back.

"Is everything ok back there?" asked Gandalf. He was looking at his wrist that didn't have a watch on it. All of a sudden Pippin came walking from behind a bush. Swaggering he was.

"Yup... I'm," and the other word wasn't understandable. He made a little attempt to get back on the pony but Merry had to grab the scruff of his collar and pull him up. "I think..." Started Pippin, "that our 'special' stuff was just as special as it always is." Merry told Pippin to hush up as they rode on.

After a half an hour they had arrived in RivinDell. Everyone was happy. Rose and Kate were excited about finding there other loves. They rode up to the castle, there eyes looking at the waterfalls and buildings. "This is great!" Yelled Rose, her blue eyes scanning.

"No," corrected Kate, "that's great!" She was pointing to a slender man with blonde hair.

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(I hope that everyone likes this chapter. I think it is personally one of my favs because it reminds me of some stuff... hmmm. Anyway. Hope new people will review and same thing with other reviewers. I havn't herd from you people in a while. And feel free to look at my other stories if you like my odd humor. TTFN)


	6. Meeting Mr Clean

**(I would like to welcome everyone again to this chapter. I am sorry about the wait but I promise that I will have lots of new chapters up! I am glad that I at least have some reviewers and I encourage you to review again. I know many spelling mistakes but I prefer to have my chapters up as soon as possible and I have to do this all on wordpad. Thank you)**

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**Chapter Six**

No faster then a person can blink their eyes, the girls were charging towards the man with the long blonde hair. He turend around with a shocked and very alarmed face. Kate was a few steps closer then Rose. She had been the Orlando obsessed girl who had about one million posters of him in her room while Rose was into her little hobbits. Kate jumped onto his back in a piggy back mannor. He started to spin around by the force she had set upon him. Rose ran to his front and gave him a large hug. Her arms drooped over his shoulders. Rose looked into his face. "Hey! Your not Orlando! Your just another blonde haired slender man... Wait a second..." She looked closer at it's face. "Your not even a boy! Your a girl!"

"WHAT!" Kate yelled as she scrambled to get off of her back. She walked to her front and looked at her. "Yes, it is a girl! I really masculant girl in face!" The elf just made a tissing noice and looked at them, her eyes full of disgused.

"Well, am I going to get and apology?" She put all of her weight on one side of her body.

Rose looked at her, "would you like one?"

"I think that I deserve one!"

"Hey, can you tell me where Legolas is? Hmmmm?" Kate said, acting like she was the elfs new best friend. She rolled her eyes at Kate and pointed in the direction of a building. "Thanks!" she hollard as they ran down the dirt path towards the building. Kate couldn't wait to rest her eyes upon her 'lover.' As soon as they made it to the building, they walked inside to see Legolas sitting in a chair brushing his hair and looking into a mirror. "LEGOLAS! AHHHHHHH!" Kate did a flying leap into his lap she sat there as the startled Legolas dropped his brush. Rose came in from behind and made a sqealing noice.

"Get off of me you dirty little pig!" He shoved Kate off of his lap and got up quickly, his eyes were large with fright. "Who... who are you?"

"What do you mean I'm dirty?" Kate was both sad and angrey.

He pointed at her shirt, "just look at that! Dirt, dirt, dirt! Gosh! I can't even start to believe it! I for one am a very clean elf and I would like to keep it that way."

"All that I want is a hug! Please! And a kiss maybe! And I want you to marry me! Come on! You have to do at least one of those things for me!" She moved closer. Rose just standing in the doorway watching what was going to happen. Legolas was slowly backing into a corner.

"What? Do you want to rape me or something? Get away! Get away I tell you! Move! Leave me be!" He kept moving backwards until he was in the corner. Kate picked up his brush that he had dropped.

"It's soooo pretty! Oh can I have this?"

"You can have anything as long as you keep away from me with those dirty clothes on!" The girls looked at him. He had not one speak of dirt on him. Kate looked around his room.

"Oh my god! Ohmygod! Do you _sleep _in this bed?" Kate asked as she staired at a bed perfectly tucked in. He shook his head. "OHMYGOD!" Kate went running over to the bed and hopped into it. She was rolling around in disbelief. Legolas was crying. That's right, tears were running down his cheeks.

"What do you want from me? Blood?" He fell to his knees holding his face.

Kate jumped off of the bed and put her hand on his shoulder, "everything is going to be ok..."

"NO IT"S NOT! DON'T TOUCH ME!" He flung his body on the floor. Kate took a step back.

"Do you hate me?" If he said yes we would kill herself.

"I... I..." he started to say. His words were muffled from his head being tucked into his arms and his sobs. "I...just hate the dirt!"

"Ok... then we are just going to leave you alone in here. Everything is going to be ok." The two girls left the room and left him crying to himself. As soon as they walked into the daylight they herd someone calling them.

"Kate! Rose!" It was Elrond. He was standing at the steps of antoher building and he was wear a nice clean garment. They ran as fast as they could until they stood at his feet. "Oh... girls. So glad you could make it here." His eyes scanned them. "Oh... have you been to visit Legolas?" They nodded. "Oh don't worry. He must have flipped out. He just hates dirt. As soon as we get you girls all spick and span he will act normal. Well, he never really is normal that one. Please pardon him, he had just gone through a tramatic time in his life."

Rose looked worried, "What happened?"

"Well, he had fallen into a ditch for three days. You can imagine how horrible it must have been for him. With all that dirt and everything." The girls nodded. "So, follow me and I will get you girls into some proper clothes for dinner."

They followed him into the halls of the castle and he let them into a room. As soon as the door open they layed their eyes upon a wonderful room that they could have never imagined. There were two full sized beds, each tucked in perfectly with light colored blankets. The windows were wide and they let them have a wonderful view of the cascading waterfalls. Beautiful paintings were hung on the walls, a vanity was in the corner of the room as well as a book shelve. Elrond looked at the girls who's eyes were fixed upon the room. "I believe that there should be something to your liking in that door. He outstreached a finger to a door in the corner of the room. They took no time in opening it and say that inside there were some wonderful robes and dresses. "Oh my... do we get to keep these?" questioned Rose, her hand touching one. He nodded.

"I will leave you two girls alone. Dinner will be served in about an hour." He left the room and as soon as the door had closed he leaned against it and spoke to himself, "oh of course you can keep those... for gods sake you look like you had just climbed out of a hen house." Then he did an evil smile and touched his forhead. "Damn, it seems like my hair has receaded a little more. Crap... better go get some rogain." He then walked away.

Inside the room the girls were looking at the dresses. Each one helped the others to put their dresses on and they washed themselves up in the small basin with the pitcher of water that was left there. They were so excited about getting to see all of the hotties at dinner and before they knew it there was someone knocking on the door. Rose opened the door and looked to see a very buff, hunkolishous elf with brown hair and green eyes. "Come on it..." she directed him.

"I have come to tell you that supper is served. I am also here to escort you two girls down to the great hall." Rose and Kate walked out smiling at each other. All of a sudden Kate winked at Rose and rose smiled. They decided to do a little trick each had done before. Rose walked and purposley tripped over her shoe and landed on the floor.

"Oh! No! My ankle! It hurts...owwwwww," she held her ankle in 'pain.'

"Are you going to be ok?" asked the hottie.

"No...no...please...help me."

"What can I do?"

"Pick me up and carry me," she said, her plan working the way she wanted it to.

"Is that what a gentleman would do?"

Kate spoke, "oh of course. A REAL gentleman would do that!" And so he did he swooped her up in his arms like the way a groom would pick up his bride. Rose was smiling all over and making a remark here and there about how her ankle hurt. What could be better then being swept away by a hunk? Before they knew it they were at the great hall. Everyone at the table stairing at them.

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How was it? Did you like it? Ok? Funny? Not so funny? Well, please drop me a review and I am sure to look at it! If you liked this story please feel free to look at my other ones


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